Pastel Tumblr Themes

Hi, I'm Steff! I live in Austin. I'm strange. I'm cute. I like cats (cliche tumblr girl alert). And I cherish people regardless of gender or lack thereof. YOU MAY NOW PERUSE MY CRAZED INTERNET RAMBLINGS BWWWAHHHHHHHGGHHHHH

herps derpin' around

be grateful for time spent
and the privilege to even
feel each other
and breathe each other
to stare into each others eyes
to hold them in your arms
and fall asleep
together
all the things ive ever wanted
you have
so be grateful

for almost a year
ive been forced to be content
with pixels and text
instead of kisses and flesh
webcams and headsets
just don’t quite do it
when youve found the one

do you know what’s its like
to talk each and every day
and sleep apart each and every night?
i love to be in his thoughts
but i’d much rather be in his arms
warmth, love, heat, and affection
insulated lovingly underneath the sheets

i want to give him my love
and show him how much he means to me
with my body, my voice, and my spirit
i want to give him something that
i can’t send to him in an email
i want to hand him a gift
in person
as opposed to having a stranger
drop it at his door
i want people to see how much we love each other
in the flesh
instead of having to tell them about it
i want the stigma of having
my darling live far away
to go away

i don’t want to wait for you
to come home in the middle of the night anymore
i don’t want to have to worry about you
when you go out
i don’t want all of our conversations
to rely on technology

and
i don’t want to sleep alone anymore

i want you
all of you
your good
your bad
your insecurities
and your flaws
i want it all
i want you
to have all of me
my troubles
my worries
and my undying
devotion
i want you
and your life
and your morals
and your dreams
but most of all
i want time to hurry up
because

i want
you

Dear tumblr,
I just want you to know

that there is a girl out there
who I just want to make smile.
There is a girl out there
whose hand I want to hold.
There is a girl
who I want to hug at
every opportunity.
There is a girl
who I really like
that’s is giving her attention to a guy
who doesn’t deserve it
as much as I do.

Dear tumblr,

I have a crush on a girl,
and it’s growing quite fast.
I’ve been thinking about her
more and more
with each day.
I don’t want to scare her away,
But there is a girl out there
who I want to make mine.
All mine.

I want to make her laugh.
I want to text her cute little hearts.
whenever I feel like it.
I want to make her feel like a princess.
I want to give her the butterflies
that she gives me.
I want to give her kisses on the cheek
so that all her friends can see.
But most of all, I think,
I want her to feel
The same way about me.

Dear tumblr,
I like a girl.

"Good night mom. Good night dad."
Words uttered from small tired lips.
A nightly ritual, no doubt.
Always right around the same time.
Something you could always count on.
A loving and carefully placed kiss
right on your cheek.
A snug tucking into your sheets.
And if you were especially good,
maybe even a bedtime story
About a king and a queen
And their beautiful princess
And how they lived happily ever after.

“‘Night.”
Concise and mumbled from an indifferent tongue
The time, it varies.
Reasonable one night, but perhaps
later the next.
That is, if it even occurs.
A quick wave of the hand
In your direction.
Maybe even a “Don’t stay up too late.”
And if you were good,
They wouldn’t ask how your day was
And leave you alone,
Finally.

Silence.
There’s no need for formalities
When you come stumbling in to the house
In the dead of the night.
Not a stir.
You may get a snore here or there.
The groggy ruffling of the sheets,
If you’re lucky.
And if you were good,
you may even find some leftovers,
hastily wrapped and tepid,
perched on the counter.
That is, if they even remembered.

But you don’t complain,
Because this is what you always wanted,
isn’t it?

When you’re not around
I feel like a wreck
You said to be strong
And I’m trying my best

But I can’t help the fact
That I feel like a mess
What goes through my head
You could only guess

I know you have to go out
And do your own thing
But I just can’t let go
Or loosen my cling

I need you every second
Of every hour of every day
And you know if I could
I would have it my way

Do you really have to go?
Do you really have to leave?
Do you know that when you’re gone
I feel like I can’t breathe?

I know I’m being silly
I know I act like a kid
But I just care so much
You’re one thing I can’t bid

I’ll try not to go crazy
I’ll try not to whine
I know it’s your nature
But just the same
This is mine

So please don’t be upset
I’m just doing me
But I’ll try to be patient
Til it’s you that I see

So please come home lovey
And try to understand
That I merely miss you
Cause you are my man

Have fun, enjoy your life
Just know that when you’re back
You may have to deal
With a slight attack

But I can never stay mad
At your cute scruffy face
Just give me a few minutes
And I’ll remember my place

I really am happy
That you’re fine and okay
Do keep it up
Til we get to that day

My dear one and only
I’m so happy you exist
I cannot wait to give you
One big sloppy old kiss

I hope you read this poem
And know its about you
Because every single word
Is so fucking true

So remember that one day
All this will be yours
Know that with me
You’ll never get bored

And expect lots of poems
About silly things like this
I promise to provide you
With literary bliss

This poem went on too long
But that is okay
I just was really bored
And had a lot to say

So here is where it ends
My dear, you are the best
I promise with you around
There’s no need for the rest

I’ll give you everything
I possibly can
Just as long as you stay
Forever my man

We are the best
I’m so glad we met
Together forever
Don’t ever forget

You are my everything
You are my world
And don’t ever forget
That I’m always your girl

Loveeeee, Steff :] <3

It’s strange how at one point, you really do believe you could never live without someone who meant so much to you.

I used to believe that, too. Last summer was pretty rough for me.

For months afterwards, there was an endless amount of posts on tumblr that reminded me of that certain someone. Nowadays, I find myself recalling this vague blur that was once his figure.

I don’t think I actually cared for him.

I’m just now realizing I was infatuated with the idea of him.

He’s really not that special. He never really was.

2:30am. Time seems to be creeping along today as opposed to flying. I wonder why. I feel restless and tired all at once. Is this a result of the Ibuprofen I wonder? I don’t normally take pills. I never notice the effects of them either. I feel stranger than normal. I mean, I’m normally quite weird, but I’m never presently aware of it. What is so different about tonight?

Am I bored? No, it doesn’t quite feel like it. I’m positive this isn’t sadness either. Why am I so antsy? And why all the questions? Why am I so unsure of everything?

What do I want in life? Why am I so reflective? Why don’t I have any answers?

Guess I’ll just sit here and continue to exist until something happens.

Same as always.

You’re in a room. You’ve waited a long time to finally make it to this chamber. Many long years spent waiting and dreaming of what you’ll find in this room. You’ve heard stories, but you’re only just discovering the true nature of this place. You examine your surroundings. It’s all too surreal. There it is, right in front of you.

The feast.

This feast is magnificent. It’s everything you’ve always imagined it to be. Succulent meats and wine of the gods created solely for your benefit and pleasure. So many to choose from, where should you start? Surely you cannot fit multiple foods into your mouth at once. You are going to have to select one dish and be satisfied with it until you have sucked out the flavor in its entirety. That’s how food works right? It isn’t a give-and-take relationship. The food exists to please you.

But wait.

Is this really how it’s meant to work? What happens if you really enjoy the delicacy you are currently consuming? You can attempt to savor it, but it’s not going to last forever. It’s going to become a bland, colorless puree before long. Suddenly, you are feeling like you want to give the dish some of the same pleasure it has given you.

But you can’t.

Why? Because it’s just food, right? Who cares how the food feels? It’s all about what you want, right? There’s nothing you can do. You will eat, you will be content, and you will move on. There will be no regrets, because it’s just food, right?

 

 

 

Right?

I am so so bored
I don’t know what to do now
Guess I’ll just sit here

I’m sorry
I can’t help but listen to the bluebirds
And stare at the sunlight outside my window
I’m sorry
I can’t help but see through the cracks in the mirror
And ignore the paint chipping off these walls
I’m sorry
I can’t help but trust the angel on my shoulder
And banish all the demons into the darkness

This prism of my own design
deflects all that does not align
and refracts what I think is mine
All the way up here,
here on Cloud Nine